


Teenage Dirtbag

by Fallen_Star



Series: Give Me Love [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 06:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7834015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_Star/pseuds/Fallen_Star
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Objectively, Sasuke knew that Naruto was too good for him. The blonde was always the life of the party, the light in any room, the person able to brighten a situation or mood just by being him. Subjectively, Naruto was actually the most irritating, irrational and infuriating person in the entire world, and Sasuke wanted to strangle him more often than he wanted to kiss him.</p>
<p>Various moments and views of the disastrous relationship that is Naruto and Sasuke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teenage Dirtbag

**Author's Note:**

> Names that were considered included: I'mma Show You How to Graduate, Smells Like Teen Spirit, I Wont Say I'm In Love and R U Mine.   
> This took me forever plus more time, but we finally have it so here you go.   
> Honestly, this probably won't make all that much sense if you haven't read Too Hot Hot Damn but by all means have a go anyway!

If there was one thing that exasperated Naruto the most about Uchiha Sasuke it was this: his uncanny ability to turn each and every situation into a complete and utter shitstorm just by showing up. It wasn’t even that he did it on purpose, he was actually genuinely innocent in his intentions (most of the time) and yet somehow he always managed to get into a fight, to piss someone off so badly that they threw a drink on him, or punched him in the face, or punched  _ Naruto  _ in the face. To say that he was sick of it was an understatement, and while Naruto rationally knew that Sasuke wasn’t purposefully getting him a black eye every other Saturday, that didn’t stop him from blaming the other boy when he was sitting with a bag of frozen peas on his face and a stern-looking Sakura giving him the devil eyes as though it were  _ his  _ fault that his shitty maybe-boyfriend had looked at some massive hulk of a guy in the wrong way and then ducked when the fist came flying at him. Seriously, if Sasuke absolutely  _ had  _ to look at everyone like they were a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe, he could at least have the goddamn decency to take the probably well-deserved punch to the face. 

As it were, Sasuke looked far too smug from where he was sitting on the other side of the kitchen table, not a scratch on his stupid, perfect face while Naruto had a lump the size of fucking Jupiter growing on his right eye. Glaring with his good eye, Naruto continued to explain and whine at Sakura about how this  _ wasn’t his fault  _ and how that  _ shitty bastard  _ was to blame and why his life was  _ so hard  _ and that it was hardly fair that he got punched for  _ literally standing next to someone _ . Sakura gave a sigh of the long-suffering and told him that if he didn’t want to be punched in bars he shouldn’t have picked Uchiha Sasuke as his suitor, and the bastard just smirked at him as though he hadn’t just been directly insulted.

Naruto remembered, wistfully, those days when Sasuke refused to tell people about their sort-of relationship and he didn’t have to worry about stuff like jumping in front of a flying limb for him because if he did then he’d face a three-hour lecture because Sasuke isn’t  _ a princess you fucking moron you don’t need to protect my virtue _ , and then not even get a little friskiness for going through the effort of actually listening to the Uchiha rambling on about his dignity or whatever because when Sasuke was pissed he turned into the Original Sasuke who flinched if you touched him and kicked you in the balls if you even thought about putting your hand on his ass. 

Naruto then recalled how shitty it had felt being kept as a dirty little secret and disregarded his wistful thinking, because despite how bad getting punched in the face felt having someone ashamed of being with you felt significantly worse. Not that Sasuke ever admitted this, of course, but Naruto was well aware of just how far above his weight he was batting with this one and although he had now been introduced to the entire Uchiha family (something that he somewhat regretted) and they were all very nice, he did see them watching the two of them sometimes with looks on their faces like they couldn’t believe Sasuke was with someone like him and honestly, from the bottom of his heart, neither could Naruto. 

Because obviously Sasuke was perfection in human form and he, well, he really didn’t measure up in comparison. Naruto wasn’t typically the kind of person that put himself down, but as far as he was concerned there was a difference between being self-deprecating and simply stating facts - he tried to be realistic and truthful to himself at all times after all. 

Of course, what Naruto was not aware of was that these surprised looks that Sasuke and he received from the Uchiha’s was the exact opposite issue: most of them were in fact trying very hard to understand how Sasuke - who they all loved dearly but, if they were being honest, could be incredibly trying on his best days and outright unbearable on his worst - found himself in a relationship with someone so inherently  _ good  _ as Naruto was. In their eyes, Uzumaki Naruto was a pure angel with the patience of a saint, who was always polite and well-spoken and had an exceptionally loving and caring heart towards everyone that he encountered. While they were right in some accounts (Naruto truly did believe the best of everyone until proven otherwise, and he was very caring and polite by nature) they really only saw a glimpse both of Naruto’s personality and of his relationship with Sasuke. While most people on the outside would look at their relationship and see all the ways that Sasuke seemed hell-bent on destroying their bond from the inside out, Naruto knew that they both had a hand in the rather dysfunctional aspects of their relationship. 

Outwardly, Sasuke was rude and uncaring towards him, appearing unaffected by any of Naruto’s actions and being flippant with the other boy’s feelings. Of course, this was just Sasuke’s general personality, and Naruto had quickly learned that these things were to be taken with a pinch of salt because in reality, they were mostly defence mechanisms. Naruto knew, he  _ knew _ , that Sasuke cared for him almost as much as he cared for the Uchiha, even if this was only really shown in specific circumstances: when Sasuke had too much to drink, for example, or weirdly whenever Gaara was around, because apparently Sasuke didn’t get jealous when Sai delivered his awful pick-up lines in his deadpan voice talking casually about Naruto’s dick, but Gaara sitting perhaps a little closer than necessary was enough to warrant a powerful death glare (not that Gaara was affected, unemotional jerk that he was) and clingy behaviour. 

In the true, inner workings of their relationship both Naruto  _ and  _ Sasuke knew that it was Naruto’s characteristics that caused most issues: of course that’s not to say that Sasuke helped at all. Naruto’s over-exaggerated need for attention and love was directly counteracted by Sasuke’s aversion to physical contact and general dismissive attitude. Naruto’s openness about his sexuality and love life was overshadowed and out-argued by Sasuke’s need for privacy. Naruto was needy, and he clung to Sasuke like a leech sometimes, and he had quite an overactive libido which was a bit of a challenge for Sasuke who had never been in a relationship before. 

The main issue, though, was that Naruto was  _ possessive _ . Truly, undeniably and overbearingly possessive, not in a bad Christian Grey kinda way, but enough that almost every argument that they had was about this exact issue. He tried not to be, but there was something about Sasuke that brought out this side of him that he’d never experienced with anybody else; a need to be near him and to know where he was, a need to know that Sasuke was with him and wouldn’t leave him anytime soon. If he thought really hard about it, and as a psychology student he had naturally analysed himself and his life a few times with some rather upsetting results, he knew that he had quite severe abandonment issues, and that this possessiveness was the result of him being quite in love.

Not that he’d ever mentioned it and he wasn’t planning on doing so any time soon. 

He understood Sasuke’s frustration with this, the other boy had come to university to get away from his overbearing family and had fallen almost directly into an overbearing relationship with Naruto instead, and he truly did attempt to stamp down on it, to mixed results. The problem with denying himself was that he did finally explode and ended up essentially sticking himself to Sasuke and glaring at anyone who got within 10 feet of him for about 2 days, which was ultimately more frustrating for the both of them. In the end Sasuke had agreed that Naruto was within his rights to  _ feel  _ possessive and jealous, and that he could express this  _ in private _ , but publicly he was to keep his cool and be his usual bubbly self, even if these assholes insisted on sitting too close to  _ his Sasuke  _ and looking at him like he was a piece of meat. 

Naruto was fully willing to admit that he had a problem. 

Still, at least he didn’t get Sasuke punched wherever they went, which was a point in his favour, but Sasuke was very fond of pointing out that Naruto had actually given him a bloody nose within seconds of them meeting so he couldn’t  _ really  _ talk.

 

#

 

Their first meeting had been, with very little exaggeration, disastrous. Okay, so it could have been worse and Naruto feels that, in the interests of playing fair, Sasuke shouldn’t bring it up in every argument or conversation they have, but still it was pretty bad. In Naruto’s defense, he didn’t  _ mean  _ to hit Sasuke in the face with the door, and definitely hadn’t meant to crack his nose even more with a flying elbow while he gesticulated either, that was just the way it happened to go. 

Naruto actually met Itachi before he met Sasuke, the elder boy standing in the way of the elevator looking all important and regal, and Naruto had a really big box in his arms and could Itachi just  _ please move _ .

“Hey, can I get past please?” Naruto questioned for the third time, leaning around to try and catch this guy’s eye, feeling more and more frustrated by the second. Dude was just standing there, back to Naruto and facing the elevator, which was  _ open  _ but apparently this person didn’t want to get into the elevator he was just inconveniently standing in front of it instead. Naruto sighed and decided that since manners clearly weren’t working here, rudeness was justified. He hitched the box further up into his arms and prepared to shove his way through when a voice spoke from behind him.

“Can you get out of the way mate, seriously.” And a massive shoulder hit his, the box falling from his arms as though in slow motion, the owner of the fucking  _ barging ram _ not slowing his pace and barrelling straight into the inconvenient guy too, who made a slightly put off noise and shifted a little, making the path to the elevator free and letting the asshole who’d tried to dislocate his shoulder walk straight in. Naruto watched in resignation as the doors slid closed and he got further away from getting into bed where he belonged. He glanced down and saw all his kitchen equipment sprawled over the floor from where he’d dropped it and sighed again, bending down to start re-packing. 

“Well, he was rude.” Naruto glanced up and saw the long-haired man had knelt down to help him, lifting his head to smile lightly at Naruto in a way that didn’t quite seem to reach his eyes. He was the prettiest person Naruto had ever seen, and he struggled to compose his facial features and spluttering. 

“Yeah.” Naruto took his items from Itachi’s hand and stood, thanking the other boy before moving to jab the elevator button, picking up the box again and grinning. 

“You moving in?” Naruto asked, wondering whether the guy was a mature student or something. 

“No. I’m helping my little brother.” Oh, well there goes the possibility of his first friend. Naruto nodded anyway, glancing up and seeing that the elevator was still on the fourth floor. 

“I’m Naruto.” 

“Itachi.” 

“Nice to meet you.” The doors opened in front of him and Naruto stepped inside, turning around to say goodbye only to watch in confusion and exasperation as Itachi stepped in after him, seeing the second floor button pressed and nodding. 

“You, er, you were waiting for the elevator earlier?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well….the doors were open for ages and you just stood there.” Naruto was highly confused. Itachi turned towards him, real amusement sparkling in his eyes now.

“Yes, I was interested to see how irritated you would get.” 

“You! I!” Naruto’s ability to form coherent, full sentences dwindled, and he turned from the other man with a huff, eyebrows furrowing as Itachi let out a small chuckle beside him. When the elevator got to his floor Naruto stepped out and started walking without looking back or saying goodbye, but when he stopped at his door he turned his head and saw Itachi standing  _ right there _ and almost dropped the damn box again. 

“Stop following me!” Itachi gave him another amused look before reaching out his hand and knocking on  _ Naruto’s door _ , and the blonde felt a sinking feeling. Really, what were the chances that his roommate turned out to be the brother of this gorgeous,  _ dickhead  _ stranger. When there was no answer though, Naruto turned to Itachi with a raised eyebrow and fished out his keys from his pocket, putting down his box and unlocking the door, pushing it open with admittedly a little too much force, eyes going wide as he felt resistance and then heard a small  _ oof  _ sound. He just hit someone with the door; he just hit his  _ roommate who he would have to live with for the next year  _ with the door. Wincing, he pushed the door more carefully and revealed the scene inside. 

Directly in front of him was a dark-haired boy with his hand to his face, whose angry gaze flicked to him as he stepped into the room. Naruto was instantly struck by how attractive the boy was, and knew that he was undoubtedly related to Itachi, who’d gently brushed past him to pull Naruto’s roommate’s hand away from his face. Naruto winced again when he saw the light trickle of blood falling from his nose, and shuffled his feet slightly. 

“Er, sorry?” The boy glared at him, which was actually quite effective and terrifying, pushing Itachi away from him with a grumble and lifting his hand back up to his face. Itachi tutted and pursed his lips lightly in his brother’s direction. All Naruto could do was stand and try not to gape, completely put off with the proceedings of the day: not exactly how he’d imagined moving day would go. 

“Honestly Sasuke, stop being such a drama queen. It’s not that bad.” Itachi’s sentence was punctuated with a loud gasp from behind Naruto, who only avoided jumping 6 feet into the air through sheer willpower alone, a skill picked up from living with Jiraiya for years. 

“Your face! Your precious face!” Over-exaggerated dramatism introduced the next apparent guest, and another tall person pushed past Naruto and into his room, which was starting to look like the meeting place for highly attractive, dark-haired men. The newcomer reached out to cradle Sasuke’s face, cooing at him and gaining himself the death glare that Naruto had not-so-casually been enjoying having directed at him, and if that wasn’t fucked up he didn’t know what was. The newest arrival then turned back to Naruto and directed a look at him so fierce and genuine that Naruto actually took a step back, instinctively seeking out the exit. 

“I didn’t punch him or anything! He was just...on the other side of the door when I opened it.” Naruto flicked a quick glance at Itachi and saw him smirking, and the blonde felt his right eye begin to twitch minutely. And just like that, the man in front of him went from over-protective rottweiler to simpering, wide-eyed labrador in seconds.

“Oh well in that case, stop being such a drama queen Sasuke.” Ignoring the spluttering from behind him about  _ yeah sure I’m the drama queen says the fucking diva over here _ , the man reached his hand out. 

“Shisui, this is Sasuke and Itachi. You must be the roommate?” Naruto shook the hand slowly, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, I’m Naruto.” Naruto replied, rubbing the back of his head with a sheepish grin. “Great start huh?” Shisui let out a booming laugh that rolled around in Naruto’s head, a pleasant but jarring sound. 

“It could have been better.” Naruto turned to the bathroom, stepping carefully around the murderous looking Sasuke. 

“I think I put a first aid kit in here earlier.” Naruto had arrived a couple of hours ago, and had moved some boxes in already before leaving to go to lunch. He rummaged around in the cupboard and tried to ignore the suspicious whispering going on in the room behind him before making a triumphant noise. 

“My aunt is a doctor and super paranoid that I’m always gonna hurt myself, I guess it’s a good thing right now.” Naruto grinned and felt the slightly dark mood around Sasuke lift, a typical reaction when he put his ultimate effort into cheering up an atmosphere. A reaction which was very much ruined when Naruto entered the room with a flourish and accidentally hit Sasuke in the face with his sharp elbow. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” 

“Are you fucking  _ kidding me _ ?” 

Shisui’s loud laughter attracted people from four floors up.

 

* * *

 

Objectively, Sasuke knew that Naruto was too good for him. The blonde was always the life of the party, the light in any room, the person able to brighten a situation or mood just by being him. Naruto was a good person, in essentially every sense of the word, and Sasuke was well aware that the word ‘good’ could only really be applied to himself with the addition of ‘looking’. That’s not to say that he considered himself to be the spawn of the devil or anything, if nothing else but because both of his parents were practically saints, but he knew that he was a difficult person to be around at the best of times, and the people willing to put up with him was really quite a depressingly short list when discounting those who just wanted to get in his pants. So, yes, he knew that Naruto was a much better person than him, and that he could probably do much better and  _ deserved  _ much better than Sasuke. 

Objectively, he knew this. 

_ Subjectively _ , Naruto was actually the most irritating, irrational and infuriating person in the entire world, and Sasuke wanted to strangle him more often than he wanted to kiss him. If there was one thing that the Uchiha didn’t understand about Naruto it was this: how everybody else in the entire world worshipped the ground that he walked on and never seemed to notice that they were stepping in the shit-trail of disaster and mischief he left behind him. The thing was, Naruto was such an expert at putting on a face - at placing a mask over his features and blending it until the lines between real and fake were indistinguishable - that unless people looked very, very closely they never noticed the true feelings beneath the plastic. From the outside, objective point of view, Naruto was an incredibly sunny and bubbly individual, and while this was actually mostly true, a lot of Naruto’s cheer was an overcompensation learned from years of hiding hurt and sadness.

Smiles and laughs were easier and less likely to garner much resentment than frowns and tears.

Obviously, Naruto wasn’t sad all the time, not anymore, but bad habits are difficult to shake and Naruto now covered every emotion that wasn’t genuine happiness with wide, undeniably attractive but ultimately fake smiles. In direct contrast to this, Naruto was also an incredibly open person, speaking his mind and telling people about his business and feelings like privacy were a thing of the past. But, and this was the thing that Sasuke found exceptionally annoying but also a little heart-wrenching, he always made a point to tell people about feelings that  _ had been _ but no longer were. If he was feeling upset, or worried, or jealous or any other negative emotion, Naruto would tell people about if after the fact: he would (or perhaps could) never come right out in the moment and tell someone. The only other emotion Naruto didn’t seem to have any qualms about expressing was anger, and Sasuke had a feeling that this was simply because Naruto’s anger was an all-encompassing and irresistible state of mind, and honestly sometimes the blonde could be a little terrifying - not that Sasuke would ever admit that to his face. 

For people who didn’t rely on Naruto’s feelings being explicitly told to them - simple acquaintances and distant friends - this wasn’t a problem. For those who needed to know Naruto’s feelings in order to have a functional and healthy relationship with him, finding out how he felt days after something happened was really quite inconvenient. Sasuke didn’t tend to bother himself over the feelings of others very often, but when Naruto turns around on a Friday and tells him that he was kinda upset about that thing which happened on Tuesday it did have an inclination to annoy, if only because that was  _ three days ago  _ and what the hell was Sasuke even supposed to do about it now? Really there wasn’t even any point in bringing it up.  

Of course the state of their relationship wasn’t exactly helped when Sasuke pointed that out. 

Regardless, Sasuke couldn’t hide from the simple fact that everyone around them expected their relationship to crash and burn, and that they all expected it to be his fault. It was only recently, of course, that people actually found out about their relationship (or so he thought - in reality the people living around them were perfectly and intimately aware of just how long they’d been ‘together’) and so they could be forgiven for their judgement, but Sasuke did feel a little like he was being dealt an injustice: people didn’t realise how trying Naruto truly was, especially when he happens to be  _ obsessed with you _ .

Okay, so that may not be completely fair, and Sasuke wasn’t exactly a well-adjusted and easily understood individual, but he felt that people should reserve their opinions until they’ve had to experience Naruto being a pouty child for a week just because Sasuke  _ smiled  _ at somebody else. And yes, that person could probably be deemed attractive and maybe there was a little part of Sasuke that slightly enjoyed riling Naruto up in that way but honestly the reaction was extreme, and bordering on the ridiculous. 

Which is what Sasuke told him. 

“Your reaction is extreme and bordering on the ridiculous.” Sasuke scorned, frowning down at the lump of duvet holding his roommate. 

“You don’t even smile at  _ me _ .” Came the petulant reply, slightly muffled by the pillow Naruto had stuffed his face into. Sasuke rolled his eyes: the only thing more irritating than Naruto’s habit to spout out his feelings weeks after things happened was when he went into full child mode with his emotions and refused to acknowledge how absurd he was being. Of course, part of Sasuke was secretly pleased every time this happened because it showed how truly comfortable Naruto was with him now, but mostly he just found it ludicrous. 

“I smile at you all the time.” Sasuke fought to keep the exasperation from his voice, but didn’t exactly succeed. 

“The only time you smile is after we’ve had particularly good sex.” Naruto lifted his head from the pillow a little in thought. “Also after you’ve managed to annoy Gaara enough to leave the room.” 

Sasuke scowled, fucking  _ Gaara  _ didn’t know the definition of personal space or boundaries, and needed to learn how to keep his  _ hands  _ to  _ himself _ . Later, when recounting this conversation and his thoughts to his brother, Itachi would scoff at him and call him a hypocrite, ruffling his hair when Sasuke cursed at him. 

“Well,” Sasuke replied reasonably, shifting his weight and trying not to tap his foot in his impatience, “you should feel privileged for that at least. I wouldn’t have sex with Juugo.” 

“ _ Privileged _ .” Naruto was doing nothing more than sarcastic muttering now, and Sasuke had to lean forward to hear him. “Yes, I’m so sorry  _ your majesty _ it is the highest of honors to  _ shove my dick up your ass _ , something I’m sure is nothing but an  _ absolute chore _ for you.” Naruto lifted his head from the pillow fully, turning to look over his shoulder and glare at Sasuke. 

“And you wouldn’t have sex with anyone who isn’t me, because we’re together and I’m your  _ boyfriend _ .” Naruto raised his eyebrows expectantly and scowled when all Sasuke did was wave this statement off with a disinterested and unimportant flick of the wrist. 

(This was a sore subject, as Sasuke had once upon a time refused to admit that the two of them were in a relationship at all, and Naruto got so desperate - and upset and maybe just a little drunk - that he went to Itachi for advice, who directed him to Shisui because apparently this kind of shit was reserved for the eldest of them, and was ‘above my paygrade, frankly’. Shisui gave him terrifying, slightly inappropriate and surprisingly  _ right _ advice which led to Naruto literally pinning Sasuke to the mattress and aggressively telling him that they were together, that Naruto was his boyfriend and Sasuke was  _ his _ . And if Naruto put a little too much emphasis on that last word, well, he already admitted to being more than a little possessive towards Sasuke, so fuck it.

Also, it turns out that Sasuke liked it when Naruto pushed him down and growled at him. 

A lot.)  

“Are you going to be like this all weekend? I’ll go spend it elsewhere if you are.” Sasuke knew this was a low blow, because when Naruto got like this the only thing that made him feel better was having Sasuke with him, but honestly people should try spending even an hour in Naruto’s presence when he was like this before judging him for escaping from two days of it.

It wasn’t unusual for the two of them to argue like this: despite having known each other for a relatively small amount of time, Sasuke could honestly say that he had never met anyone who was able to read and understand him the way Naruto could. It was inevitable that they would talk to each other, and although Sasuke wasn’t exactly an open book he still revealed parts of his life to Naruto that he never thought he’d want to talk to anyone about, and in turn Naruto spoke to him about his most treasured (and not) memories. The problem with this is that, although neither of them really ever  _ wanted  _ to hurt the other, when their angers got the best of them they knew exactly where to hit that it would cause the most damage, and so sometimes when they fought it was with cutting words that left wounds needing time to heal. 

Of course at least half of their relationship consisted of arguments, and so they gradually learned to steer clear of some subjects all together, but in the early months and years of their relationship this was an issue which still showed itself occasionally. 

“If you leave this room I will fucking murder you.” Naruto turned and bared his teeth a little in anger, and Sasuke accepted this as the challenge that it so clearly was (it wasn’t).

“ _ Fuck you _ .” Sasuke’s voice was menacing, and he turned and slammed out of the building, ignoring the sounds of Sakura yelling at him to  _ shut the fuck up some of us actually have to study _ .

Shisui made him sleep on the couch that night, because he was the biggest Naruto fan boy on the planet which was  _ not fair  _ because Naruto wasn’t even related to him. His stupid dog Bert breathed on his face all night and Sasuke apologised to Naruto the next day purely because he didn’t want to spend another night hysterically wondering how big a toothbrush would be needed to brush a dog’s teeth, and not because he felt at all bad about it.

 

* * *

 

Hoshigaki Kisame could honestly say that he really didn’t understand how Sasuke and Naruto worked. True, he didn’t really  _ know  _ either of them, but from what he’d seen of Sasuke there was so much aversion to physical contact and  _ feelings _ that thinking about him being in a relationship with someone who was so touchy and obviously in need of affection as Naruto gave him an honest-to-god headache. There was nothing more confusing (but also undeniably entertaining) as watching the two interact: it was like watching a disaster film and waiting for the inevitable moment when everything starting crumbling - and sure, rocks would fall and there would be light earthquakes, but nothing really happens and it ends with a vague feeling of disappointment but also relief that you didn’t become the witness of a gruesome death. If Kisame was being completely truthful, he didn’t really get why anyone would want to be in a relationship with so much tension, but then he watches them in one of their quiet moments and sees the adoring way Naruto looks at Sasuke and thinks that maybe he did understand, just a little. 

Kisame felt a distinct kinship with Naruto - the kid was at least 15 years younger than he was, but there was something to be said about the bonding that was done when two people were dating equally baffling siblings, not to mention how they would stick together at Uchiha family functions and get progressively more drunk while complaining about  _ genes  _ and how they produced such  _ attractive families _ . Kisame found it endlessly amusing that Naruto didn’t even bother to hide how his eyes would follow Sasuke around the room, and Naruto graciously didn’t mention to anyone about that one time Kisame mistook Shisui for Itachi and stared at his bent-over ass for longer than strictly necessary (it was a great ass, in Kisame’s defense, and really he couldn’t be blamed for looking a little). Kisame knew, without even really talking to Naruto about it, that he’d had a tough time growing up, and the fire-fighter was always irrationally glad to see people remain on their feet instead of fall to the ground - it was part of the reason he made a habit of going back to the orphanage every once in awhile to check up on things. 

There wasn’t really much Kisame  _ didn’t  _ like about Naruto, to be honest. He was kind and honest, had a wicked sense of humour, and was incredibly determined and passionate about pretty much everything he did. Kisame was quick to learn that Itachi was pretty much a package deal, and if he wanted to be with the one Uchiha he had to learn how to deal with the others too. Shisui was easy - suggestive comments and friendly gestures tended to have him grinning -  but Sasuke was a different story entirely. Something that could make Sasuke smile or seem pleased one day could cause the complete opposite reaction the next, but Kisame soon found out that the best thing that he could possibly ever mention around Sasuke was Naruto: the younger boy could seemingly rant for hours about the ‘moron’, and always seemed irrationally happy at the end of it. 

For somebody who was dating him, Sasuke seemed to be the only person unaffected by Naruto’s charisma. Kisame had witnessed first hand the way Naruto instantly had Mikoto seeing stars and eating out of his palm, when it had taken the firefighter months to get a smile out of the woman. Even Fugaku was fond of the blonde, talking to him about all manner of topics, when he looked positively constipated talking to anyone else, including his own sons. Kakashi, Obito and Rin were biased, of course, something about knowing Naruto’s parents or whatever, but Kisame knew that even if they hadn’t been they would have liked him, which really wasn’t fair when it took forever for them to stop threatening Kisame’s balls whenever they saw him. The thing was, Naruto didn’t even  _ try _ . He wasn’t trying to be charming, he wasn’t trying to make a good impression, he just  _ did _ . People gravitated towards him, and a flash of his smile could have people blinking like they’d looked at the sun for so long. Kisame  _ hated him _ , except for how he didn’t. 

Sasuke though, well. That was another story. Naruto could smile at Sasuke all day and get nothing more than a scowl. Kisame knew this for a fact, he’d witnessed it more than once, and the thing was that it never put Naruto off: he’d just keep on smiling, sometimes his grin would even widen after catching Sasuke’s eye, like some sort of fucking weird glare kink. Kisame knew for a fact that the two had pretty regular sex (don’t ask how, he didn’t want to talk about) but watching the two interact truly just made him wonder  _ how _ . 

Regardless, Kisame liked both of them, although he was still highly confused by everything about Sasuke, and Naruto was pretty much impossible not to like. Kisame knew that Itachi also liked the blonde, although he tended to hide the fact. This was not to be mistaken for some ridiculous big brother, threatening, shovel talk type of behaviour though (Shisui had been given that honour, because apparently Naruto was inexplicably more scared of him than any of the other Uchiha’s, even though he’d seen first hand how accurate Itachi could be with a well-aimed knitting needle - again, don’t ask). No, the simple truth of the matter is that Itachi felt a (not-so) secret pleasure at purposely pissing Naruto off, and Kisame did have to admit that the particular shade of red that the blonde’s face went whenever he was trying to resist the urge to yell at Itachi for whatever understated but extremely irritating thing he’d done was really quite amusing. 

Kisame had to feel for the boy sometimes: he’d also experienced the full force of Itachi when he was in one of his moods, and although he was sure (or he damn well hoped) that his experiences ended in much more pleasurable ways than Naruto’s ones, he felt a certain pity that Naruto had to experience this pretty much every time the family got together. 

Although, honestly, Naruto should feel glad that Obito liked him too much to mess with him, because that man was hands down the most taxing person Kisame had ever met, and he worked with Hidan and Deidara (he’d actually gone to desperate measures to ensure that the two groups never met, because there was only one way that could possibly end and it wasn’t in sunshine and rainbows). Itachi always disagreed with Kisame on this matter and claimed not only that Obito was pretty much harmless once you knew his weaknesses, and that his uncle meeting the fire crew wouldn’t end in disaster Kisame you  _ overdramatic loser _ , but also that the person in his family who he would choose to eat first if abandoned on a desert island was undoubtedly Kakashi. 

When Kisame had pointed out that, since Kakashi wasn’t married or engaged or related to anyone, he technically wasn’t family, Itachi had given him a very flat look and told him that if he truly believed that Kakashi wasn’t married to Obito and Rin in spirit at the very least then he must have inhaled more smoke over his lifetime than previously suspected and had destroyed almost all of his remaining brain cells. 

Itachi truly did have a way with words. 

Actually, one of Kisame’s favourite stories - and, coincidentally, one of Kakashi’s favourites too - was the moment when in Sasuke’s second year of university Kakashi had had a very bad reaction to some sort of food he’d consumed and had to be taken away in the ambulance (which, really, one would have thought Kakashi would be at least a little embarrassed by this but Kisame was convinced the man was impervious to any emotions that weren’t sarcastic joy or pervy giddiness). Sasuke had managed to snag a place next to him on the ambulance after freaking out when Kakashi collapsed in the middle of his lecture by yelling ‘HE’S MY UNCLE’ at the paramedics. Kakashi retells this very dramatically, with tears in his eyes and hands clasped underneath his chin, but to hear anyone else tell it Sasuke basically threatened the paramedics into letting him into the vehicle. Regardless, once they were at the hospital and it turned out that Kakashi was perfectly fine, Obito and Rin had their customary Kakashi-is-in-the-hospital-let’s-freak-out freak out before hearing the story, which is when Obito burst into tears and didn’t let go of Sasuke for pretty much an entire week, while Rin told Kakashi that this in no uncertain terms meant that he was stuck with them for life. 

Sasuke never lived it down, and Naruto took great pleasure in bringing up the subject whenever he could just to see the murderous look on Sasuke’s face everytime. Kisame was beginning to honestly suspect that there was something seriously wrong with the Uzumaki kid, because it was not normal to get turned on by your partner wanting to literally rip you apart limb for limb, but whatever to each their own. 

He did actually personally enjoy it when Itachi got mad, but only when it wasn’t directed at  _ him _ . He wasn’t suicidal thank-you-very-much.

Anyway, while Kisame didn’t fully understand Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship, he did have certain ideas and certainties about it, for example the fact that, no matter what, Sasuke would never actually rip Naruto limb from limb. Probably. 

While there was some things he was certain about, there were an equal number of things that he’d always just sort of assumed about them which apparently weren’t right: like how apparently Naruto wasn’t the cool easy going guy he’d always thought, but could actually turn into quite the scary little tornado of destruction if Sasuke got hurt or was in trouble.

For another thing, he’d always assumed that Naruto would have been the one to make the first move, but apparently this wasn’t  _ exactly  _ accurate. 

 

#

 

If Naruto had to choose his favourite thing about university, he would have had a very difficult time: he loved his classes and thoroughly enjoyed the freedom of only doing the subjects that he chose; he liked that he had his own space and independence now, that he could prove to himself and Jiraiya and Tsunade and  _ everyone  _ that he was capable of taking care of himself and that he could  _ do this _ ; he loved that he could walk into the kitchen at three o’clock in the morning and make a cake and people wouldn’t call him crazy for it, they’d just be glad for the treat when they woke up; he adored all of the people that he lived with, and was astounded everyday by the fact that they all seemed to like him in return, that he had  _ friends _ . But truly, if really pressured into it, he knew that his actual favourite thing was Uchiha Sasuke. 

They’d been roommates for about two months, and Naruto already knew that he would never let go of Sasuke’s friendship, would never allow the other boy to leave him because he’d finally found a person that he honestly, genuinely  _ needed  _ and this terrified Naruto just as much as it delighted him. At the time, of course, Naruto regarded all of this from the point of view of Sasuke being the best friend he could ever have - he would admit to having had some (lots of) inappropriate thoughts about Sasuke, but he was a healthy, bisexual teenager and honestly Sasuke was a fucking walking wet dream. 

Okay, fine, so Naruto fantasised constantly about kissing the other boy, about wrapping his arms around him and not letting him go until they were both flushed and out of breath, about climbing into bed with him and….well lots of things really. Sometimes, Naruto just thought about cuddling with the Uchiha, and honestly those daydreams affected him more than the sexy ones ever did because they had  _ meaning _ and  _ emotion _ (it had actually quickly become a habit to climb into Sasuke’s bed and demand cuddles, but he would almost always be gently guided out again by an angry kick to the ass). But, regardless of his fanciful dreamings, Naruto had always discounted the possibility of them ever actually happening because Sasuke flinched when people touched him, and although he’d stopped doing this with Naruto (something he was immensely, unbelievably grateful for and proud of) there was a great leap between hugging someone and holding them in a loving embrace all night long. 

So, needless to say, when Sasuke kissed  _ him  _ it was quite the shock. 

In order to truly tell the story, there had to be context, and so Naruto would always later tell the tale from the beginning, when he’d had to coerce Sasuke into leaving his studying behind and come with him and their friends (yes,  _ their  _ friends, Sasuke may claim otherwise but they were his friends too) to the bar, just for a small drink. Sasuke put up a token amount of protest ( _fuck off Naruto I don't care_ ), but Naruto could see just by looking at him that he needed a break from his ridiculous assignment that had been given to him by Kakashi, simultaneously Sasuke’s favourite and least favourite professor (Naruto was sure there was a story there). 

Like any good story, then, theirs began with an overabundance of alcohol. 

They really had intended to only go for one or two drinks, but when it reached four in the morning and they were still in the club when the lights went up and the music turned off Naruto couldn’t bring himself to care about the earlier intentions, not when Sasuke was apparently a  _ very  _ affectionate drunk who draped himself all over Naruto because he was the only one the Uchiha was comfortable with (although he did lean a little on Sakura too when he couldn’t walk, which made Naruto smile because she was an absolute  _ goddess _ and he liked it when his favourite people got along). 

So, stumbling along the road at 2 in the morning with a suddenly very fun and friendly Sasuke was quite unexpected, and not only by him if the looks that everyone else was throwing at the actually-giggling Uchiha were anything to go by. Sasuke actually fell at one point, and as Shikamaru was helping him up he thanked the ‘kind pineapple’ and then pretty much attached himself to Ino and Sakura who had been walking arm-in-arm and told that them he was ‘so happy for you guys’ and that he couldn’t ‘believe it took you until last week to get your heads out of your asses’ - a conversation which confused everyone except for the two girls themselves, who spent the better part of the next two months trying to figure out how the hell Sasuke knew that they’d even gotten together (in reality, Sasuke was exceptionally good at reading people. Shisui often told him, fondly of course, that while he was terrible  _ with  _ people, he was very good  _ at  _ them. Sort of like how some people were able to be very good at maths and then completely fail at calculating their taxes).

Anyway, once they got back to the dorms Naruto was abandoned in his hour of need by his so-called friends, who all jumped ship and left him to take care of Sasuke on his own. There wasn’t any big build up, no long stares before one or both of them leant in, no one declared feelings for the other and hands were not held. One minute Naruto was struggling to get Sasuke into the open door, and the next the door was closed behind them and Naruto was shoved unceremoniously against it with a tongue in his mouth. 

Now Naruto had kissed plenty of people in his time, not to brag, and he didn’t know if it was because Sasuke was especially gifted in this department or whether his feelings for the Uchiha were so much stronger than for all the others, but kissing Sasuke was amazing and perfect and all those words that described a really good thing. It was, admittedly, also very sloppy and Naruto’s hands were pinned to the door behind him in a way that was decidedly _not_ sexy bondage and more incredibly uncomfortable. Sasuke didn’t really seem to know what to do with his hands and just appeared to settle for pulling a little too hard on Naruto’s hair, and Naruto was also highly aware of the door knob poking him in the ass (not the type of knob he wanted there, a thought Naruto avoided because hysterical laughing was one way to surely end a kiss). 

Despite all these things, it was the greatest kiss ever, until Sasuke burped and Naruto got a mouthful of vodka-flavoured hot air, cringing back as he remembered exactly what state Sasuke was actually in. Biting down on his bottom lip and enjoying the way Sasuke’s eyes followed his movements, Naruto directed the Uchiha gently towards the bed - slapping away his hands from his belt when he got the wrong idea - and watched as he sunk into the mattress with a sultry look unlike anything Naruto had ever seen before. Not in a good way though - drunk as he was Sasuke looked more like a lazy sloth than anything truly sexy, and Naruto didn’t find it especially difficult to resist as he pulled off Sasuke’s shoes and patted his knee when he mumbled a quiet ‘thank you’. (He would later learn that this look, when attempted sober, was pretty much devastating). As Sasuke drifted off into a sleep which would be interrupted by his very first alcohol-induced vomiting in about two hours, horniness apparently forgotten, Naruto had a silent freak out about what this would mean in the morning, and whether Sasuke would even remember that they’d kissed let alone that he’d started it. 

One thing was for damn sure: Naruto now knew that Sasuke was at least interested in getting him into bed, which was better than he had hoped for and ultimately started the plans which actually  _ got  _ Sasuke into his bed a couple of weeks later. Naruto would also forever and always enjoy reminding Sasuke that he ruined their first ever kiss by  _ burping into his mouth _ , but Sasuke always denied it and claimed that Naruto made it up on the grounds that he didn’t remember it (he did). 

When Naruto told Kisame this story for the first time, the man hadn’t been able to kiss Itachi without pissing himself with laughter for about a week. The other man was Not Amused. 

 

* * *

 

If asked, Uchiha Shisui could tell a person everything they needed to know about anyone from his family in excruciating, minute detail. It was a point of pride for him, knowing everyone’s business, and although his family often complained about his blatant disregard for boundaries they were quick to come to him when a problem arose. He didn’t only know about their lives, though, but was acutely aware of exactly what they were like as a person and had been known to figure out someone’s motives before they had themselves. This skill didn’t stop with family, of course, and it was a very big part of the reason he was such a good therapist, helped by the fact that he didn’t just understand and have a way with people, but he  _ liked  _ them.

Both of his cousins, however, always seemed to have a distinct dislike for most human beings in general, Sasuke in particular. Itachi had an amazing skill of being able to say things and people would automatically obey, whether they wanted to do the thing or not, and while he was always polite and mostly pleasant there was an undercurrent of danger surrounding him which made for a highly intimidating aura which most people steered clear of. This combined with his vast vocabulary and calm demeanour made for a highly successful lawyer. 

Where Itachi had a way with words, the same could not be said for Sasuke. When they were younger, Shisui had been so sure that Sasuke would grow up to be like Mikoto, a loving and gentle soul with an overprotective streak for the people he loved. While Sasuke was undoubtedly overprotective, and loved with an all-encompassing passion, he tended to hide this behind his surly exterior and unemotional reactions. Shisui honestly could not say why Sasuke was like that, lord knew there was nothing in his past which would have caused Sasuke to shut himself off this way (that he knows of, but it terrifies him that something may have happened that he was unaware of and so he resolutely Does Not think about that), but he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that there wasn’t really anyone in their family that Sasuke resembled. 

Shisui knew that he himself took after uncle Obito, and there had been a time when he was concerned that Sasuke would take after Madara and be a grumpy old man before he reached the age of 15, but it was soon clear that this was not the case. Sasuke hid his emotions in the way only Uchiha could, except he did it with such ferocity that sometimes it was honestly difficult not to believe that he hated them all. Fugaku had always made it a point in the upbringing of his children that honesty was the best policy, something which Itachi had always stuck religiously to (to an extent that he gave people  _ too much  _ truth and with such a straight face that he was honestly terrifying at times) but which Sasuke seemed to have forgotten almost entirely: where Shisui had a way of knowing what people were feeling and needed and Itachi had a way with words to get what he wanted, Sasuke had the exceptional ability to manipulate people by knowing exactly what they wanted and exploiting it for his own profit. While Itachi also did this to an extent he was always honest with his intentions, whereas Sasuke didn’t give a shit as long as he got what he wanted in the end. 

That boy could win an Oscar with his acting, and should probably be a secret agent with his manipulation skills. 

Sasuke was cold and collected, except for how he loved unconditionally and was loyal to a fault; Sasuke was terrible with people, except for when that person had something that he needed; Sasuke hid his true self behind a mask, but to a trained eye that mask would slip almost constantly. It was with a put-upon sigh that Shisui would admit that honestly there was somebody in the family who Sasuke took after, it just so happened that their name wasn’t Uchiha. 

He nevers tell Kakashi though because he doesn’t think any of them would ever hear the end of it. 

Needless to say, when Shisui met Uzumaki Naruto he gave the relationship about a week before it all fell to pieces. While he was obviously aware of the typical cliche of ‘opposites attract’, there  _ had  _ to be a limit and he was pretty sure that Sasuke and Naruto exceeded it. Sasuke was the most closed off person he’d ever known, while Naruto was probably about as open as a person could be. He radiated joy where Sasuke tended to bring gloom to any room - and it wasn’t even as though Naruto lightened Sasuke up because he actually seemed to get  _ more  _ annoyed the happier Naruto got. 

It wasn’t until Shisui got to know Naruto a little more that he realised that, in reality, he hid his emotions just as much, if not more, than Sasuke did, he just did it  _ expertly _ . While Sasuke wasn’t exactly subtle in the way he shut himself down and off from the world, Naruto hid his detachment with a bright smile and genuine charisma. When he first noticed, Shisui freaked out a little bit because  _ psychopaths do that Itachi what the actual fuck _ , but watching Naruto a little more (not in a creepy way, of course) he realised that he didn’t technically  _ fake  _ his reactions, he just hid the ones which he felt were more negative. 

Shisui would always remember the moment when he finally, actually approved of his baby cousin’s relationship (at a time that was far later than anyone would have guessed, and was actually significantly later than Itachi’s own approval): the day he saw the good that being with Naruto was for Sasuke. There wasn’t anything even particularly special about the moment, in terms of the situation. There wasn’t a public declaration or a heroic moment, it was just a normal moment between the two of them that Shisui happened to witness, and was quite simple in it’s execution. 

Naruto made Sasuke laugh. 

It wasn’t even that, not really, because he’d witnessed Sasuke laugh with Naruto plenty of times, the difference was that most of the time when Sasuke laughed it was because (like normal, rational human beings) something was funny, and normally at the expense of somebody else. This was different, and it was because Sasuke wasn’t laughing because of something funny or stupid that Naruto said or did, it was because he was  _ happy _ . 

Sometimes, when he thought about it, Shisui felt somewhat guilty that he peeked into what was clearly a very private moment, but then he tended to disregard this because he didn’t think he’d ever regret witnessing it. One word he would never think to use to describe Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship was  _ tender _ , but there was really no other word for what was happening. 

They were lying on the bed, which isn’t the reason that Shisui thought to glance in  _ shut up _ , but they were on top of the covers, fully clothed, in the middle of the day. Naruto was turned on his side towards Sasuke, who lay on his back with his head turned looking towards his boyfriend. Shisui watched (somewhat guiltily) as Naruto lifted a hand and brushed some of Sasuke’s hair out of his face, which made the other boy scrunch his face and cross his eyes to follow the movement of Naruto’s fingers. The blonde grinned, and leaned forward to place a soft kiss on the tip of Sasuke’s nose. 

And, now this was the important part, where normally it would be expected that Sasuke was scowl or roll his eyes or push Naruto away for this action (something that he had actually done on more than one occasion because he was nothing if not a contrary bastard), Sasuke smiled and huffed out a small, but very significant (for Shisui anyway) laugh. Because in that moment, Shisui’s view of their relationship shifted and he realised that, while Naruto’s feelings for Sasuke was obvious for anyone who had eyes, the feelings were completely mutual and his cousin held a hell of a lot of affection for this hyperactive blonde brat. 

So, Shisui finally decided that he was happy for Sasuke and would accept Naruto into their somewhat dysfunctional family, and if Naruto noticed that Shisui was suddenly much more genuinely affectionate towards him he never mentioned it. The truth of the matter is that he probably wouldn’t have even realised, because while Naruto may be an expert at hiding his true feelings, Shisui was the goddamn  _ master _ . 

There were, of course, various moments later on when Shisui would go back on his good opinion of the blonde: when he saw how Naruto placed a very possessive hand on Sasuke’s thigh on the train one day; when Sasuke explained how Naruto was pretty much like that  _ all the time  _ after he was asked about it, which really didn’t help matters; when Sasuke turned up at his door very early one morning and was so shut down it took about three hours to get it out of him that they’d broken up; when he saw Naruto again for the first time after they got back together just because of some remaining resentment.  

Overall, Naruto actually did pretty well in getting past Shisui’s radar, considering it took Kisame about twice that long before he was accepted as being a viable choice for Itachi to spend his time with. 

Kakashi still hadn’t been fully welcomed into the Uchiha Shisui Circle of Trust, although that was less to do with who he was as a person and more to do with the fact that he’d not only broken Rin and Obito’s hearts for the better part of twenty years ( _ yes _ , Shisui noticed that shit even if nobody else did), but also because all the good sweets at family gatherings always went missing as soon as the grey haired man turned up and Shisui didn’t trust anybody who could be that chill with so much sugar rushing through their veins. 

And yes he did know it was Kakashi because there was nobody else who could beat Itachi at getting to the good stuff,  _ shut up uncle Obito and stop trying to take the credit _ . 

Whatever, all Shisui cared about at those gatherings was avoiding his family’s pointed questions about when he was going to bring a nice young person home to meet the family. 

If asked, Naruto would vehemently deny buttering Shisui up at every chance by directing the conversation away from that particular topic, and in truth bringing up that time Sasuke called Kakashi ‘dad’ by mistake in class once was much more fun than talking about Shisui’s non-existent love life anyway. Unless Shisui happened to have eaten the last piece of pie that day, in which case he would gladly and viciously lead an hour long discussion on the matter. 

If there was one thing Naruto and Sasuke had in common, it was the ability to enact their revenge in very subtle and creative ways, and god help the poor soul who crossed them both at the same time. 

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter of THHD is literally kicking my butt, but I will get it out at some point I promise. In the meantime I hope you enjoyed this load of random moments I had in my head and just kind of mushed together into something that doesn't make much sense in terms of timeline or direction but was super fun to write!  
> Much love! And as always I am on tumblr: http://fallenstar18.tumblr.com/


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